When Jennifer closed the door, I felt as though the lights went out in the world. There was such an incredible emptiness in my heart that I was sure I’d die soon.
I didn’t care if the projects were finished, or if I even returned to school at all. It all seemed so pointless. I never turned a light on that day and only got up to use the rest room. Food didn’t appeal to me, and just the thought of drinking wine made me ill. In the middle of the night, I sat in the darkness, staring out at the world that now seemed empty and cold. I don’t remember the rest of that day because I only got up to use the restroom and get more tissues.
The next morning, I showered in cold water and went to the kitchen for a drink. On the floor, in front of the door, lay a letter. For the longest time, I couldn’t bring myself to pick it up but I finally held it in very shaky hands.
“Oh god, Jenn,” I cried, unable to open it. “Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me now.”
It was almost an hour before I finally read what she wrote.
“My darling, I can’t bear to face you right now. I can’t drive the sound of your tears from my head and your words just keep booming through my mind. In my attempts to love you, I hurt you and drove you away. You told me not to hurt you and I promised I wouldn’t. Then, I carelessly did exactly that. You’re right, Sherry. I did violate your trust and your body. It’s not something I’m proud of. .
How do I regain your trust? I don’t know, maybe I can’t. Without that, there is no future for us together and I love you so much. In all my life, I’ve never loved like this. Where do I go now? How can I face tomorrow without you.”
She skipped several lines and the reason was obvious. Tears stained the paper in swirls of dark rings. I added mine to hers as I held the letter but then I had to put it down while I fell apart again.
Later, I tried once more to finish it.
“I don’t know what to do or what to say. What magic words can I use to keep you from hating me? What words can ever undo what I’ve already done? How can I go on, pretending I haven’t destroyed a love that I thought would go on forever? I always considered myself to be a strong woman, but I’m my knees begging for someone to rescue me.
I love you, Sherri. Oh god, I love you so much but I can’t write any more.
J.
I held her letter to my breast and let my tears wash my soul as my world continued to fall apart.
Where was that darkness when I so desperately need it. Where is the peace of unconsciousness when it can save you from this torture? I walked into the studio in a daze and began throwing canvases around like old papers. I almost threw the sculpture to the floor, but instead, I held it to me as I cried.
I’ve never felt so helpless or so useless, and I’ve never felt the need to scream but scream I did. Over and over and over until my throat hurt and I could scream no more. Even when I cried, I had no tears left. I had no spirit left. My soul was beaten and worn.
Eventually, I forced myself to return to face the day, but the house felt so empty, so cold. I put on shorts and a tee shirt with the intent to clean up and perhaps face the task of packing everything up to head for home. I had to stay busy. I had to force myself to work hard enough to keep her from my thoughts and out of my heart.
The sculpture was heavily damaged but I could recover it, make it new again since it hadn’t been fired yet. Some of the canvases were beyond saving, but they were, for the most part, unnecessary for my projects. None of the key canvases were destroyed or damaged beyond saving.
It was a mess though and I worked my ass off to make it presentable.
I ran out of energy and the will to keep going at the same time. Sitting in the sun room with my head back, I closed my eyes and tried to regain my sanity.
“This isn’t helping any,” I finally declared.
I began to pace the floor, trying to think of something…anything I could do. I couldn’t just give up and go home without making things right. True, she hurt me in ways that left op9en wounds, but I knew that I hurt her too. I didn’t think she meant to hurt me either physically or emotionally so the pain had to be tempered with intent.
I couldn’t take it any more. I hurried in to take another shower, and dressed in the new mini skirt and blouse I hadn’t worn yet. Slipping into my flip-flops, I headed out the door, determined to let her know how I felt and try my best to restore what we’d done our best to destroy.
I got all the way over there before I happened to think that she might not let me in. What if she didn’t want to see me at all? Then what?
I didn’t have to face that though when I found her door not only unlocked, but open. I found her sitting on her bed, staring at the floor. For a second, I stood at the door, looking at the woman I loved. It was now or nothing. I quickly moved over in front of her and pushed her back on the bed, getting on top to straddle her. She threw casino şirketleri her hands up but I pinned her to the bed.
“Look at me. Look at me, damn it. Do you remember who I am? I mean who I really am? Can you honestly not know how much I love you? Do you really think I’m so stupid that I’d let this bump in the road make me stop loving you? ”
When her tears started, I couldn’t keep up with my tirade. “Oh god, Jenn, what have we done?” I asked as I dropped down to put my head on her shoulder.
Her arm wrapped around me and we just lay there and cried, more in relief, I think than in fear or sadness.
“I was so afraid,” she whispered to me. “I hurt you so much and I thought I’d lost you. Nothing seemed to make any sense any more.”
“I know, I know, honey. I’m sorry. I hurt you with my anger and my words and I’m so sorry. You didn’t mean to hurt me. I just lost control and said things I shouldn’t have said.”
“No, love, you didn’t,” she said. “They needed to be said. I needed to know that I’d destroyed your trust.”
“Is it too late for us?” I asked. “Is there enough love left to save us?”
“I think so,” she said. “Don’t you?”
“Oh god, Jenn, I hope so. I’ve been so miserable and alone without you.”
“Don’t leave me, Sherri. No matter what has happened, I’m begging you. Don’t leave me.”
“I already promised I wouldn’t,” I reminded her.
“I know, but I promised I wouldn’t hurt you and I broke that promise.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said. “I won’t break my promise.”
For a long time we lay together, whispering to each other, sharing tears of joy and happiness. She kept kissing my hair as she held me tight to her.
I finally sat up and looked down at this beautiful creature, and started kissing her like crazy. They weren’t sexual or sensual kisses, just kisses of love and gratitude. I kissed her face, her ears, her nose, her everything and she gave them back and more.
“Look at us,” she finally said. “We’re a mess.”
And then she smiled. Oh my god, that beautiful smile. The whole world began to glow with that smile.
We got up and held to each other but then she pulled away. “I’ve got to clean myself up,” she said, heading for the bathroom.
“Wait,” I said. I walked over to where stood and took her hands in mine, gazing into her beautiful eyes. “Undress me,” I said, so softly I wasn’t sure she heard.
She looked like she wasn’t sure it was right or something and then she smiled and began to slowly strip me, kissing every part of me as she did. Standing naked before her, I wanted to do the same to her, but her clothes fell to the floor so quickly I never had the chance.
We showered together, caressing tenderly, kissing constantly, sharing our love. At first, it wasn’t sexual, but of course, it became so. She carefully avoided any contact with my anus but the need overcame us and we made love on the bathroom floor. The kind of tender, beautiful love that fills you with such a warmth. Slowly and lovingly, we brought each other to orgasm.
We didn’t want to let go, even for an instant, but eventually, we got up and took a quick shower…again, before drying off to step out of the bathroom.
“What are we going to do?” I asked, as we held tight to each other, standing in the living room.
“We’re going to love each other completely,” she said, but then she pulled away from me. “But first, I’m starving.”
Neither of us had eaten since our blow up and we were famished. She quickly scrambled some eggs while I heated up some frozen hash browns and started some whole grain toast. We finished off with a large bowl of fruit and yogurt and went into the bedroom.
“God, I’m so happy,” she declared. “I want to run screaming down the road that I’m in love.”
“No one would hear you,” I reminded her.
“I don’t care,” she said. “I just want the world to know.”
We sat for a second, and she suddenly grabbed my hand. “Come on,” she said, dragging toward the door that opened onto the deck. “We’re telling the world.”
As we went out the door, I yelled, “Jenn, we’re naked.”
“I don’t care,” she said, still dragging me down the path.
The sun was shining brightly and only a slight breeze stirred the air. I knew that anyone on the lake, or around it could hear us and see us but she didn’t care so I surrendered to her impulses and ran with her to the end of the dock, where we stood, side by side, hand in hand, our legs spread in defiance and screamed out that we were in love.
Then the hysterical giddiness set in and we wound up pushing each other off the dock and into the cool waters below. We came up to wrap our arms around each other as we fought to stay afloat.
“I love you,” she said, kissing me.
“I love you even more,” I relied.
We walked together, still naked, back to the house and got some towels.
“So much for wanting to be in seclusion,” I said. “We’ll probably be on the front page now.”
“I casino firmaları don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care,” she said, doing a little dance around the room.
She grabbed me and pushed me onto the couch. “Nothing matters anymore, Sherri. Not my work, not my success, nothing matters. I almost lost you and that’s what matters. The only thing that matters is you. I’m going to spend the rest of my life regaining your trust and your love.”
“You never lost my love, Jenn, and I don’t think you have to worry about the trust issue. What happened is history. Maybe it was a wake up call to both of us, but its history. I just want you to love me as much as I love you.”
She sat up and took my hands in hers. “Do you think it was a way to prepare us for next weekend?”
I’d completely forgotten that this was to be our last week together.
“Do we have to discuss that right now?” I asked.
“We can’t pretend it won’t happen,” she said. “but we can make sure our last days together are special to both of us.”
“I won’t go back to school,” I decided. “I’ll find a job close to you and get an apartment so we can be together.”
“Like hell you will,” she said, firmly. “You’re going to finish your education and that’s not open to negotiation. Honey, you’ve worked so hard and so long. You can’t throw that away now. You have a gift. A wonderful gif that you have to share with the world. Get your education, get ready for the world and then you’ll know your next step.”
“Not without you,” I said, “Not again. Not ever again.”
“Listen to me, Sherri. We aren’t breaking up. I didn’t lie when I said I wanted to share the rest of my life with you. That wasn’t just to get you in my bed. We’ll find ways to keep in touch, and share our experiences. We’ll be together as often as possible and we’ll make those days memorable. I’ll be traveling for the next three months anyway, so we wouldn’t be together much. I’m booked until the end of the year. We’re just beginning our journey together. Isn’t our love strong enough to endure this challenge? Mine is.”
“It won’t be the same,” I said. “I won’t be able to hold you in the dark or see you every morning.”
“Of course, it won’t be the same,” she said, “but you can hold me here in your heart. I’ll always be there with you, and you’ll be here, in my heart. Now and always.”
To say that our lovemaking that day was memorable would be an understatement. Not once was the anal issue brought up again even though I knew that she enjoyed it. We ended the day in a sixty nine that was so intense and so loud that the room resonated with our cries. We slept, arm in arm, like quiet shadows in the dark.
The next morning, we started making plans for our departure. I had to repair the damage I’d done to the sculpture and the canvases and she had to start getting her canvases ready to travel. She came over mid-morning with sandwiches and cheese, and watched as I worked, occasionally suggesting something or admiring something. While I worked, she started packing some of my canvases and supplies that I wouldn’t use any more that week.
“What are you going to do now?” she asked. “Do you think your mother may have changed her mind about you?”
“My mother?” I asked incredulously, “You don’t know my mother. If anything, she’ll be more stubborn than ever.”
“So what then? Where will you go?”
“Well, there is this incredibly beautiful artist…”I said.
“Sherri,” she said, warning me that I was on the wrong path.
“I know, I was just kidding. Can’t blame me for trying though.”
She came over and kissed me. “No, honey and I admit that I wish it were possible but we’ve been through this already.
“I’ve been trying to call Lilly or Jillian,” I said. “If the key to their house is still under that ugly fern, I can get in there until school starts.”
“What if you can’t get hold of them?”
“Then I’ll drive over there and check. If I can’t find the key, I can spend the night with one of my friends. I still have the apartment at school but I’ll have to pay them extra for getting there early. We get a lower rate when school is out.”
“I have a meeting with my agent next week,” she said. “then I have a couple weeks to get my head on straight before my first showing. I get there on Friday, and the gallery opens Friday night with a big party for invited guests. I’ll send you all the details and photos.”
“You’d better. I’ll probably ruin them with my drool but maybe I can remember to cover them with plastic in time.”
“Oh hush,” she said, laughing. “You’ll probably forget all about me when you get back with those handsome men and gorgeous women.”
“Don’t you believe that. Don’t you ever believe that,” I said, fighting back a tear. “don’t you remember? You’ll be in my heart to remind me how much I love you.”
“Okay, don’t start crying on me now. You’ll ruin your sculpture and we won’t get any more done today.”
After dinner, we sat on the deck with our güvenilir casino wine.
“It’s so peaceful here,” I said. “So quiet. No wonder you bought the cottage.”
“I needed someplace where we could go for the summer,” she said, and the significance of the fact that she was including me in her statements made me feel so loved. I was sure now, that nothing could tear us apart other than ourselves and that was never going to happen.
When it got dark and the mosquitoes became too numerous to ignore, we moved inside.
“Stay with me,” I said.
“I already planned on it,” she said.
We were naked before we got through the door and seconds later, our mewling voices could be heard as our lips and tongues began their dance.
She flipped me to my back and pinned my arms over my head as she began moving her pussy back and forth over my breasts. When they were really irritated, she dropped down to suck, nip, nibble, chew and lick at them.
I wanted her to do more but she seemed obsessed with my breasts and my nipples were so sensitive they felt raw, almost painful.
She teased my thighs with kisses, sucking, nips and nibbles up one leg and down, up the other leg and down, each time blowing her hot breath over my pussy, swollen with my desire to the point of bursting. My clit was already exposed, but she felt forced to take it in her teeth and tug it back and forth.
I knew that it was going to be a strong orgasm and my fingers already had the bedding in a death grip, but when it hit, it exploded with a ferocity I’d seldom experienced. I could literally feel my fluids flowing from within to soak the bedding in spite of her best efforts to lap it up. She wasn’t stopping with just one though and her fingers drove deep into me, curling into my special spot while her thumb did a dance over my clit. There wasn’t enough time between the first orgasm and the second for me to recover so the second one wiped me out totally.
I wanted her so much, but I just didn’t have the energy to do anything. She finally straddled my face and put a pillow under my head. I was able to get my tongue into her and when she reached down to pull her pussy open for me, the tip of my tongue found that elusive spot just below her clit, where the nerves are so open to my touch. She worked her body over my tongue while I held her by her hips, pulling her to me. The orgasm I gave her wasn’t all that strong, but it was enough to get things started with her.
I got up and went to the dresser to get one of my toys, a dildo of about eight inches, but not very thick. She took it from me and hit me with an evil smile as she bent over and started putting it into herself. She pumped it into her wet pussy for a while, then she pulled it out. She had me lie on my back, and put the base of the dildo in my mouth, while she straddled my head, She spread her cheeks wide and lowered herself onto the dildo. Oh my god, that was so erotic. Imagine yourself, watching, as a plastic cock slips into your lover’s pussy, ending up with that same beautiful pussy pressing against your lips. Now imagine the view I had as she began to fuck herself with a slow, steady stroke that was going to make me insane. In and out, in and out. The dildo began to glisten with her juices which slowly began to seep over my lips and into my mouth. She began to go faster and faster which caused me to use my fingers to keep the dildo in my mouth. She tasted so good and I was enjoying every drop, While she fucked the dildo, my fingers were giving my pussy a good work over and I came shortly before she did At first, there was so much cum that I was sure she was squirting but it didn’t last at all and I was able to slurp up almost all of it.
We moved into a 69 with me on top. I was so wet from watching that dildo go in and out of her I was about ready to come already. She drove me steadily into my orgasm with tongue and fingers, until I felt that tightness that only another woman can know. It was to be an incredibly strong orgasm and my guttural sounds and loud outbursts announced its arrival, but at the last minute, I made her stop.
“No, wait,” I gasped, “wait”
“What’s wrong,” she asked, as she continued the slow strokes with her fingers.
“Back,” I said. “my ass.”
Are you sure?”
“Yes, damn it. NOW. Oh god, hurry, Jenn, I want you in my ass when I come. Hurry!”
Her finger moved quickly into me and by the time she was deep inside, I was already in orgasm. It was just what I needed to make it one of those you never forget. It was all I could do to finish her off and she helped at the end with her fingers flying over her clit.
Later, she told me that the sounds of my leap into the orgasmic void was what really got her off.
We finally managed to move up to bask in that glorious feeling called afterglow, but we had taken so much from each other that we were asleep in minutes.
I woke up first in the morning, and for quite awhile, I lay next to her, not wanting to disturb her slumbers. My beautiful angel. The woman who would forever impact my live, lay so near to me, begging for my touch, a soft caress, a kiss to soft skin. My heart was so full at that moment that I feared it would just burst.